May 29, 2010

Bridge over troubled water? Where is that bridge...

    Sometimes I feel it necessary to re-assess my life.  I find that when I stay stagnant, I begin to lose a bit of my sanity.  Stagnant, according to Merriam-Webster, is exactly my state of existence.  I know what must be done - I need to go out and explore the world do something.  I to working out a bit more and eat a little less, study some philosophy or at the least flex the gray matter upstairs. I should read something new, play some guitar, I should...debate the finer points of life. 

    This list is daunting.  As one can tell, I have a plan for change.  I know what needs to be done.  But sometimes simply knowing is not enough.  I need inspiration.  I need a drive to accomplish those goals.  Alas, I have been left here in D.C. to my own devices with close friends too far away and motivation for change even farther.

May 14, 2010

Death is the Road to Awe

It has been a while, and I apologize.  There has been a lot happening in the past few weeks:

     I got into Grad School for an MS in Environmental Science at American University.
     I left many good friends behind to move to Washington D.C.
    I saw my grandfather (Lolo) just days before his death.
    It was recently mothers day (the day we buried my grandfather) and then my mother's birthday.
    I saw my family almost whole, minus one member due to pregnancy, for the first in many years.
    Started job searches that have been fruitless thus far.
    And I recently found out that I may not be able to afford to go to Grad School.

So yes, I have officially moved from Salisbury NC to the D.C. area.  Was the move worth it?  To be with my girlfriend and go to Grad school, yes - to find a job and become a productive member of society??? I guess time will tell.

As I said above, my grandfather recently died.  I am torn - on one hand I am happy and on the other I feel the family and the world has lost a wonderful man.  In the last few days of his life, he suffered pain so server that he one could read in his eyes that he wanted it to end.  And yet, he was still lucid and fully mentally there even at 89 - just days away from his 90th birthday. So I am glad he is not suffering any more, however, I am saddened.  He left behind a wife of over 20 years (his second because his first passed away over 25 years ago).  He left behind daughters, grandchildren, friends, and a wonderful legacy.  He's a WWII vet, VMI graduate, influential Chief State Engineer,  avid musician and tennis player, and the creator of many recreational clubs in Richmond.  He lived a life worth remembering.

Clint Mansell composed a song called Death is the Road to Awe.   In any faith system death is a journey.  And although we can not understand fully where this journey takes us if anywhere, it is important, for me at least, to celebrate the life lived rather than the life lost.  

I hold my own beliefs about what happens upon death, one that is a bit of Eastern Theology met Western meet uniquely my own.  This is probably similar to what many people will find when their own belief structure varies slightly from their general institution.

I won't explain what I believe, not here at least, but I will say this, death is indeed the road to awe and a celebrated life is worth remembering.  

You will be missed and remembered Lolo.